3 Things Married Couples Should Stop Doing

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! My last post about "7 Things Happy Wives Do Not Do" received positive feedback and provoked my thoughts to think about couples!


There are a lot of things married couples do, but oh so often, they do a few that are actually quite harmful to the relationship. The following are 3 crucial things couples should stop doing. If you love your spouse and want your relationship to be fruitful and joyful, read the following, and I hope it blesses you.

1. Wanting to Be Right

Let's get one thing straight, when it comes to being married, you don't have to be always right! I get it, it's hard when you feel your views are held dear to you, and cannot even fathom that they would be wrong. But honestly, is it worth it? Is it worth your time and energy to make the other person feel.. WRONG? When the situation arises, take a step back, and ask yourself, "Does it really matter?" Most of the time, it doesn't. Above all, being kind is better than being right. We must learn the art of expressing our opinions, respectfully and not in a downgrading, "I'm smarter than you", manner. If you can't respect while expressing, you are stirring the pot to an excellent mixture of bitterness.
And when you get down to it, life is much better when you get along with your spouse, and not being Mr. or Mrs. Right.

"Being kind is much more important than being right."

2. Not Willing To Compromise

A happy marriage doesn't just happen, it takes effort, time, patience, and 2 people that are willing to compromise and meet in the middle. Let's face it, just based on my own experience, it is not easy to adjust my way of thinking to meet the expectation of Justin! But here's the thing, when there is a disagreement, work together so that both parties are satisfied. Don't argue to the point that one of you feels like they have to give in. Trust me, this does not work. Take a break, and have each person say what they want. Then, find somewhere in the middle where you both can come to an agreement. I'm not telling you it's easy, it takes practice and a lot of patience.
Bottom line, love is when you care about the other person's happiness, more than your own. Love is not just the fun dates, smooches, and sleeping with each other, it's a lifetime commitment of cooperation and compromises!

“We don't give to get, we get to give." -R. Allen Woods

3. Getting Too Comfortable to Appreciate Each Other

So your honeymoon stage is over and real life kicks in. You become very busy and basically, let life take you by the reigns. I get it, you don't have time to tell your spouse nice things, in fact, they should already know how you feel about him/her, being that you chose him/her to be your partner for life! However, this is not a good formula for a happy marriage. The key to having a joyful bond, is EXPRESSING how you feel towards your spouse through words and actions.  To you, it may be a small thing, but just a quick appreciation remark can make your spouse's day a little brighter.
Tell each other how much you love one another every night, and prove it every day. That is something Justin and I practice daily. I make sure to let him know how much I appreciate all he does, whether it's closing a business deal or picking up after himself.
Acts of appreciation do not need to be extravagant, they just need to be true, and they need to happen daily.
So go ahead, and compliment each other. What you focus on, becomes the bigger pictures. And what we appreciate, grows in value.

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Leo Buscaglia

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"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." 

- Leo Buscaglia

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/leobuscagl106299.html#gUlIzghgrGpcw7Bc.99

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Leo Buscaglia

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/leobuscagl106299.html#gUlIzghgrGpcw7Bc.99

Thank you for reading my blog! If you found it useful, please feel free to share!

 

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! Don't be so busy with the holiday season, that you forget to love each other! Merry Christmas to you from the Van Kirks!

7 Things Happy Wives Do Not Do

Hi ladies! I hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of December, always a festive atmosphere - which I simply LOVE. Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

There are a lot of things happy wives, or ladies in general, do! They stay positive, trust God, are secure in themselves, love the moment, & hope for the best!

But being that I'm married, I've become unhappy, here and there. During the unhappy moment, I don't realize what's causing it... but after I've realized what a grump I was and somehow, I was able to get passed it, I don't want it to happen again! AND, I don't want my lady friends to go through it EITHER!

|These are 7 things that happy women DO NOT DO|

1. THEY DON'T: Compare Their Marriage to Someone Else's Marriage

Look it happens. And it is SO much easier with the internet. We see it ALL over FB, Instagram, Twitter, blog sights, etc. -- all our girlfriends, and their happy little statuses, living their happy little lives, being happily married, raising their happy little kids, & living in their happy, happy home. And boy does it feel like adding salt to injury if you are having a bad day!
Well guess what? STOP! If social media is causing you to have "compare-oritis", stop scolling down your newsfeed and go do something! You cannot base your happiness on comparing yourself to others. It's a LOSE, LOSE situation. You're basically saying, "I cannot be happy until I'm like you," OR "You don't deserve to be happy, you should be like me." It's not fair to both marriages. You don't know what they've been through or what their current situation is.

You are a unique individual, & you have a unique marriage, like no one else. Your marriage has gifts & qualities that no one else has. Focus on you & your marriage, and watch your happiness increase.

"You cannot compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel."

2. THEY DON'T: Try So Hard to Be Perfect

Ladies, let's get one thing straight -- don't buy into the myth of perfection- it doesn't exist. In saying that,  STOP TRYING TO BE PERFECT. Procrasitination and perfectionism go hand and hand. Why? Because a perfectionist is so fearful that it won't be perfect, they will literally wait for the stars to align before they DO something. There is no perfect moment, no perfect opportunity, and no perfect state of being... moments aren't going to be perfect; moments are what you make them.

We as wives have the abiblity to grow into our highest potentials by not caring to have the "perfect" environment to do something. Once you do what you want to do, perfect or not, you should be happy with yourself that you dared even try.

 

 

“If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” Ecclesiastes 11:4

3. THEY DON'T: Read Into Things

I know, it's hard. It's hard to not read into things, since we are almost like that by nature. I used to read into things, A LOT. For example, when my husband didn't do a certain thing, I would think that he didn't care for me... when in reality, he didn't even realize it! OR, when my boss didn't smile or say hi to me, I would feel like he didn't like me... when in reality, he was just having a bad day! OR, when friends and family members forget to send me a birthday wish on my birthday, I would think that they were being spiteful... when in reality, they were extremely busy! I could go on and on and on.

Here's the thing ladies, we are great at fantasizing and playing the victim. Reality is, we believe that the world revolves around us and basically become self-centered. If you notice when you read into things, it's usually a fantasy that has YOU, playing the victim...and somehow, in your sick and twisted play, YOU are the main character, the damsel in distress. So stop it. You're making yourself miserable when you read into things. You are NOT that important that everyone around you, is trying to offend you, or pick on you. And please, just see things as they appear, not as you fantasize them to be.

"People who constantly read into things, will constantly create the perfect atmosphere of misery, and will become miserable people."

4. THEY DON'T: Beg For Friendships

Happy wives know their worth. Being married, I've lost and gained some friends. I do know that, with marriage, keeping a friendship will take more strategy, selectiveness, and effort. Reason is, my husband comes first, above all. Now with that said, I've come to a realization that I can lose friends over time... and now, I don't take it personally, because it happens. But I USED to be so sad and distraught when I would lose friends. But guess what, I've gained more precious and quality ones!

When you know your value, you don't have to beg people to like you, spend time with you, be your friend, speak kindly of you, or love you! When you're confidant and secure with yourself, the right friends will naturally come to you! In fact, the saying goes, "Birds of a feather, flock together." You will attract friends that are JUST LIKE YOU. So the kind of friends you want, should be the kind of person you should be!

"There are no rules for friendship. It must be left to itself. We cannot force it any more than love."

5. THEY DON'T: Mind Other People's Business

Don't be so caught up in the business of others that you forget to handle you own business! What's the point of watching the Jones' grass grow greener and letting yours die! You don't have time for that - and if you do find yourself doing it, it probably means that you are letting the Jones' world take over yours!

As a wife, if you want your life  to soar to new heights, you must stop thinking of what others are doing and start focusing on you and yours. I've realized that the more I paid attention to what other people were doing, the more I find myself being critical of them, judging them, envying them, angry at them, and basically, wasting my time on them! The only time one should mind another's business, is if one is learning from another. Otherwise, MIND YO OWN BUSINESS!

"The grass is most green, where you water it."

6. THEY DON'T: Try to Make a Huge Difference All At Once

Happy wives know that, in order to make a difference in the world, they start with the world around them. Well, first off, making a difference all at once is usually impossible, unless you're already in a VERY influential position, but even getting to place like that, took a lot of time and effort.

As a wife, I've dealt with things that normally happens when you become a wife -- unpacking, packing, organizing, saving money, decorating, cleaning, getting fit, etc. And guess what, in a perfect world, I would love to have unpacked the house in a day, or packed the house in a day, or decorate the house in a day, or clean the house in less than an hour, or save a bunch of money in a short amount of time -- basically, trying to make a huge difference all at once! Well guess what, reality sets in and it does not take a snap of a finger to complete anything! However, if we work to make a bunch of small splashes, we can let the ripples spread naturally.

Of course you can apply this to any area of your life. Change the world by starting with the world around you. If you can make one person smile, their smile just might make others, smile too. It's call the ripple effect. You can touch masses, without putting yourself through the anxiety of trying to make a huge difference all at once.

"Some quit due to slow progress. Not grasping the fact that slow progress... IS progress." - Rosley

7. THEY DON'T: Feel Entitled                    

Here's a good one. Happy ladies know that they don't deserve what they have been blessed with. The moment you start to expect people to like you, to be generous to you, to be merciful to you, to be gracious with you, -- is the moment you're going to feel a rude awakening. You see, when you feel entitled to receive, it is no longer a blessing or gift at all. Would you give a gift to a recipient that is demanding you to do it?

Feeling entitled and ungratefulness go hand in hand. Ungrateful hearts are unhappy hearts. Why? Because, how can one rejoice in a blessing that they expected in the first place! And what makes it worst, the giver (which could be anyone, including God, Himself) will less likely bless you if you are walking in the attitude of, "I need to be given  ________, because I DESERVE it." This attitude proves a lack of humility and meekness - which is frowned upon in the eyes of God. (Read Joshua 17:12-18)

Guess what? You and I both don't deserve ANYTHING good. In fact, without the gift of the life of Jesus, you and I actually deserve hell, itself. The fact that we are blessed, even with the little things in life, we should be in a continuing state of thanksgiving to God, and we must not forget to thank the ones He used, to bless us. Let us not feel like we are entitled, because not only is it wrong, we will be very disappointed when the results end up not as we expected. And yes, Jesus did warn us as well, that when we try to seek a more significant position, or seek to feel more important -- we can and will be embarrassed by something or someone, least expected.

 “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.” Luke 14:11

"Don't go around saying the world owes you anything. It owes you nothing, it was here first." - Mark Twain

God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart.

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"God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and one in a meek and thankful heart." - Izaak Walton

God has two dwellings; one in heaven, and the other in a meek and thankful heart.

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/i/izaakwalto147132.html#VpJJmmuvFtMbPxYx.99